This particular post is difficult to write. However, through much thought and prayer I feel the need to write about our journey with infertility. I'm afraid no matter how I write this, my intentions are going to be misunderstood. In no way, shape or form am I writing this as a "Woo is me!". There are many women who have a more serious problem with this than I. can. ever. imagine, but I also know there are many women out there suffering silently and feel utterly alone. And also feel ashamed. I recognize that this is opening a can of worms, but it's a risk we are willing to take.
This is also my way of confronting that there is something wrong and to face it. My way of not letting this become a major problem (emotionally) is to just ignore it. Well, I've known since I was 14 with my first OB appointment that I would have problems conceiving. But the time has come for me to stop ignoring it and to start taking better care of my body and actually go to the doctor. I will be 30 very soon (too soon!) and I ain't gettin' any younger. (Yes mom- I just used the word aint't!)
This blog is about our journey in life and this is a major path we are on... hopefully along the way I can attain information that will help others. The times that I have shared our struggle with someone, they've in return shared their story with me and a lightbulb has always gone off. For instance a friend told me when she lost weight it balanced out the testosterone in her body and she got pregnant after just loosing 10-15 pounds. This was an "Ah-ha" moment, because I have gained some weight in the last year and have noticed a TON of differences in my body. It's kinda sad. I'm not gonna tell you I'm doing P90X to get in shape, because I might show a picture of me eating a caramel apple and then what would you think? Instead, I'm just going to say that I'm doing my best to get back on track!
So far, we have done more homeopathic remedies (?) that have helped my body align itself. Shamefully I admit I have fallen off the wagon and have not really done any of those things since we've moved. One being, Arvigo Massage and the other being chiropractic care. I have an appointment for my first acupuncture session and meeting with my new OB this week. Trying to do all we can before (and if) we're put on all types of medication that I just know will make me more crazy.
PCOS is the #1 reason couples struggle with infertility and I keep hearing of girlfriends from high school having the same problem. Maybe it's the water we drank?!? Mmmmm.
In any regards, I was listening to the song 'The Real Me' by Jessica Clark Funk in the car and had a melt down. It was the turning point that I knew I was to share our struggle. Some of the lyrics that hit home and put the words right in my mouth....
Hiding my heartache, will this glass house break
How much will they take before I'm empty?
Do I let it show, does anybody know?
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
You're turning the tattered fabric of my life into
A perfect tapestry.
We have a wonderful family who supports us and loves us, and doesn't even ask nosey questions. AND let's us love on their children like they were our own.
*all photos taken by a wonderful friend Clairissa Cooper.
7 comments:
Megan, Thanks for sharing. I've heard of this from a lot of people around your age. Hmmmm. Not sure if there is a pattern or not, but I've actually had the conversation with many people about it.
One friend started blogging about her feelings too - http://sjolsethupdate.blogspot.com/p/fertility-quest-and-thought-on.html - and though I'm sure she heard lots of opinions, she always opened up the possibility for others experiencing the same issues in their lives, but hadn't shared it with anyone.
I'm almost 40 and not yet married. It saddens me as I get closer to not being able to have children. However, I'm hopeful that I will.
In the meantime, being an aunt is absolutely awesome! I have 19 wonderful nieces and nephews that have no choice but to love me.
Wishing you well on the journey. Miracles can happen .... in many forms.
*Hugs* It's so hard to open up about trials in our lives, especially ones where we have to 'silently suffer'. While that particular thing hasn't been my issue, I definitely understand on that level. I'm so sorry. You have an amazing attitude about it all and are truly an example to all around you on graciously dealing with difficulties. There is comfort in knowing that the Lord understands all things. But even the Gospel doesn't take away all the pain....day to day life is still difficult. You are a wonderful person and WILL be an incredible mother in the Lord's time. And how lucky are your nieces and nephews? Incredibly lucky. xoxo.
Megan, I think sharing can be liberating. We were so secretive about our struggle and finally knew we had to share it with our loved ones so they could be more sensitive to our situation and supportive in our quest. Being open about it is still hard for me at times but I hope that my small struggle through it can help someone through it in the future.
You are very brave, my sweet girl! So proud of you for having grace in the face of difficult times. It takes true courage to share something so big in the name of helping others!
Hold on to each other; your love is the greatest raft in the storm of life.
xoxo,
Jacque
Megan, I have PCOS as well. It took me about 6 months to get pregnant with Phoenix, although I know that it takes some women even longer, on Clomid. I also had to take Metformin to assist with blood sugars, although it was never shown on any lab tests.
Good luck. I work in OB, so I know that it may be a hard road, but worth it in the end, whatever road it may lead to.
Megan, I have PCOS as well. It took me about 6 months to get pregnant with Phoenix, although I know that it takes some women even longer, on Clomid. I also had to take Metformin to assist with blood sugars, although it was never shown on any lab tests.
Good luck. I work in OB, so I know that it may be a hard road, but worth it in the end, whatever road it may lead to.
I really admire you Megan for being so open and honest about where you are and what you are dealing with for quite sometime. You are such a gift to me in more ways than you know and help me with feeling ok about having this as well. Those lyrics brought me to tears and I thank God for you. Megan and Coney I love you both so much and am here for you. I can hop on a plane when you say, FLY!
Vallon Allen
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