This particular post is difficult to write. However, through much thought and prayer I feel the need to write about our journey with infertility. I'm afraid no matter how I write this, my intentions are going to be misunderstood. In no way, shape or form am I writing this as a "Woo is me!". There are many women who have a more serious problem with this than I. can. ever. imagine, but I also know there are many women out there suffering silently and feel utterly alone. And also feel ashamed. I recognize that this is opening a can of worms, but it's a risk we are willing to take.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
This is also my way of confronting that there is something wrong and to face it. My way of not letting this become a major problem (emotionally) is to just ignore it. Well, I've known since I was 14 with my first OB appointment that I would have problems conceiving. But the time has come for me to stop ignoring it and to start taking better care of my body and actually go to the doctor. I will be 30 very soon (too soon!) and I ain't gettin' any younger. (Yes mom- I just used the word aint't!)
This blog is about our journey in life and this is a major path we are on... hopefully along the way I can attain information that will help others. The times that I have shared our struggle with someone, they've in return shared their story with me and a lightbulb has always gone off. For instance a friend told me when she lost weight it balanced out the testosterone in her body and she got pregnant after just loosing 10-15 pounds. This was an "Ah-ha" moment, because I have gained some weight in the last year and have noticed a TON of differences in my body. It's kinda sad. I'm not gonna tell you I'm doing P90X to get in shape, because I might show a picture of me eating a caramel apple and then what would you think? Instead, I'm just going to say that I'm doing my best to get back on track!
So far, we have done more homeopathic remedies (?) that have helped my body align itself. Shamefully I admit I have fallen off the wagon and have not really done any of those things since we've moved. One being, Arvigo Massage and the other being chiropractic care. I have an appointment for my first acupuncture session and meeting with my new OB this week. Trying to do all we can before (and if) we're put on all types of medication that I just know will make me more crazy.
PCOS is the #1 reason couples struggle with infertility and I keep hearing of girlfriends from high school having the same problem. Maybe it's the water we drank?!? Mmmmm.
In any regards, I was listening to the song 'The Real Me' by Jessica Clark Funk in the car and had a melt down. It was the turning point that I knew I was to share our struggle. Some of the lyrics that hit home and put the words right in my mouth....
Hiding my heartache, will this glass house break
How much will they take before I'm empty?
Do I let it show, does anybody know?
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
You're turning the tattered fabric of my life into
A perfect tapestry.
We have a wonderful family who supports us and loves us, and doesn't even ask nosey questions. AND let's us love on their children like they were our own.
*all photos taken by a wonderful friend Clairissa Cooper.
Posted by M Crew at 6:50 PM