Abide with us

Can someone please explain to me how it's already October 31st?? We've been busy living life and before we realized it, it's Halloween. I wish we had done costumes but some things you just have to let go. That was one of them. However, we were able to celebrate Cony's birthday! He had the coolest birthday this year. He turned 27 on the 27th of the 10th month of the 10th year. Did you get that? 27 on 10.27.10. I count my lucky stars everyday because I have Cony in my life. I can't imagine anyone else I'd want to spend my life journey with... it's such a wonderful, peaceful feeling to know that even when you get into little (or big) arguments he's going to stick by my side and can make a joke out of it 3 minutes later. Plus-he's easy on the eyes.

Made this banner and for those of you interested in a fun blog THIS is where I got the font.

Cony's favorite treat is Nestle chocolate chip cookies. Decided to just make one giant cookie. He loved it.

UCONN's campus is the coldest, most windiest spot in Connecticut. And the hightest spot in the state (at least this is what we've been told).

There are still many things we are adjusting to here in New England. Mostly the SLOW drivers! They are killing me. I drive 25 miles to work and it takes me 45 minutes because there are no freeways around and people drive 5 miles below the speed limit. On my way to Boston last week, the speed limit was 65 on a freeway and I set my cruise control to only 70 and I was passing everyone. Can anyone out there explain this to us as well???

The leaves are mostly gone now and the weather can't make up it's mind. It's really chilly then it's warm. I almost forgot this past week that we were in Connecticut because I was wearing shorts. They say it's very unusual this time of year to not have snow. We're in the process of getting prepared for when it shows up. Shovel and blanket in the trunk of our car. Stocking up like squirrels at Trader Joe's and trying to find a good pair of boots. I'm mostly excited for the snow so we can go sledding and skiing and possibly have a white Christmas. Wouldn't that be dreamy?

Apple Pickin'

Clearly, I'm not much of a writer. Part of the many reasons we keep a blog is so I can practice my writing skills, both grammatically and articulately. I've failed to mention a few things. Our last post was a little bare on the description of items and projects. The table, chairs and bench all came from the sweet family I help. They have a collection of things and one day we went 'shopping' in their house and yard. Which turned out to be a sweet reward because I had found a beautiful table and chairs set on craigslist we were going to buy but didn't have a way to pick up, so we had to let them go. All we had to pay for was some spray paint. Hello bargain!

Second thing I've failed to explain better was about our "situation". It seriously has been such a sweet experience reading my friends stories with infertility or our friends words of encouragement. I've been feeling ugly saying this has been a struggle because I don't think that's the right word. Although it's not been easy we recognize this is just part of our journey. It's just what we have to go through and it doesn't consume us or get us upset. Until of course, I hear news reports of mothers killing their children and seeing teenage girls pregnant and not understanding how precious it is to be able to bare that child. It's not something I understand at all and try not to question...

Spent Saturday doing some apple picking and enjoying the very windy day. It's officially cold and I need to buy some winter boots. Lord help me get through this cold.

Standard New England home...isn't it gorgeous?

He was trying to tempt me..

*some of you have asked.. I do not edit any of my photos on our personal blog. They are all SOOTC (straight out of the camera).

All we'd ever need..

Fall is in full swing and it's been 34 degrees in the morning. But in the afternoon it's bright blue skies with very little clouds and it's stunning.

BEFORE pictures:

We love us some power tools.. can make life projects much easier.

I <3>

Gym station becomes...

a dining area!

New tablecloth I'm completely in love with..

Views from our windows.

This desk has come in handy in so many ways. He's a big kid in a little kids desk.

Answers.

Some prayers were answered this week and I'm feeling very grateful and very hopeful. First I want to say how sincerely grateful and loved we feel for all the emails we received in regards to our struggle with infertility. Your love and openness has humbled us and we thank you!

Went to a new doctor and for some reason was nervous. Probably because I knew I was going to get a pap smear and who in their right minds like to get those done?? And it didn't help that I saw two darling women who from the back did NOT look pregnant but indeed they were. They could both even cross their legs with no problem and look lady- like, while I'm sitting in my chair trying not to look like I'm there to watch a game on TV. Sometimes, life just isn't fair.

On Sunday I felt the sudden need to have a fast that night and every time I fast, my prayers are answered immediately. True story. The doctor was one of those answers. He sat there and listened to me, asked me questions and even let me shed a tear or two. He was compassionate and felt he sincerely cared. Another miracle had occurred that morning (that I won't opening say) but because this 'miracle' came- he's able to run a bunch of test on me in the next 3 weeks that he wouldn't have been able to do other wise. In the last 3 years the doctors I've gone to have immediately given me a referral to a specialist without even running test on me and knowing for sure what course of action would be best. Which has never set well with me. It's like putting a band aid over a broken bone .. not really dealing with the real issue. Dr. T (short for difficult last name) has given me some medication to take and like I said running more labs and told me loosing weight would be the first step. The funny part...he told me to get to a weight (which I will not disclose) that I never remember being. Maybe 4th grade? I've always been active and never thought I would be in a situation where I was told to loose weight and get it together. But that's exactly where I'm finding myself and I'm feeling very hopeful. Ironic, really.

In other news: just finished my first week at Pottery Barn and I'm so happy to be back in design! I already have a long list of things I'm gonna to use my discount on and hope Cony doesn't regret letting me get a job at the big PB.

She's at it again..

After refinishing the dresser that the TV is on, I thought the dressers in our room would be a breeze. I was highly mistaken. I couldn't sand down to the actual wood, but I was able to put a fresh coat of stain over what I had done and they managed to come out better than they were before. But will have to re-do them again eventually.

BEFORE:

AFTER:

Also wanted to share a few of my new favorite things. I think I've become addicted to antiquing and tag-saleing. I tell Cony it's much cheaper to do it this way than to go shopping at Anthropologie. He agrees. (but I'm afraid anything would be cheaper than that store..)

$6 find at a thrift store..

$.10 postcard. It made me laugh.. 'Be a Man and Join the Navy'.

$2.00 for the jar and found the lid/dispenser on etsy..

Found this at a 'Christmas' store AND it was worth the $15...

Charity made this pillow for me! I completely forgot I had sent her this link.. and she surprised me with it when she visited...

$2.00 tin at Target and $4.00 rolling pin found in Palmyra.

Unveil us, completely.

This particular post is difficult to write. However, through much thought and prayer I feel the need to write about our journey with infertility. I'm afraid no matter how I write this, my intentions are going to be misunderstood. In no way, shape or form am I writing this as a "Woo is me!". There are many women who have a more serious problem with this than I. can. ever. imagine, but I also know there are many women out there suffering silently and feel utterly alone. And also feel ashamed. I recognize that this is opening a can of worms, but it's a risk we are willing to take.

This is also my way of confronting that there is something wrong and to face it. My way of not letting this become a major problem (emotionally) is to just ignore it. Well, I've known since I was 14 with my first OB appointment that I would have problems conceiving. But the time has come for me to stop ignoring it and to start taking better care of my body and actually go to the doctor. I will be 30 very soon (too soon!) and I ain't gettin' any younger. (Yes mom- I just used the word aint't!)

This blog is about our journey in life and this is a major path we are on... hopefully along the way I can attain information that will help others. The times that I have shared our struggle with someone, they've in return shared their story with me and a lightbulb has always gone off. For instance a friend told me when she lost weight it balanced out the testosterone in her body and she got pregnant after just loosing 10-15 pounds. This was an "Ah-ha" moment, because I have gained some weight in the last year and have noticed a TON of differences in my body. It's kinda sad. I'm not gonna tell you I'm doing P90X to get in shape, because I might show a picture of me eating a caramel apple and then what would you think? Instead, I'm just going to say that I'm doing my best to get back on track!

So far, we have done more homeopathic remedies (?) that have helped my body align itself. Shamefully I admit I have fallen off the wagon and have not really done any of those things since we've moved. One being, Arvigo Massage and the other being chiropractic care. I have an appointment for my first acupuncture session and meeting with my new OB this week. Trying to do all we can before (and if) we're put on all types of medication that I just know will make me more crazy.

PCOS is the #1 reason couples struggle with infertility and I keep hearing of girlfriends from high school having the same problem. Maybe it's the water we drank?!? Mmmmm.

In any regards, I was listening to the song 'The Real Me' by Jessica Clark Funk in the car and had a melt down. It was the turning point that I knew I was to share our struggle. Some of the lyrics that hit home and put the words right in my mouth....

Hiding my heartache, will this glass house break

How much will they take before I'm empty?

Do I let it show, does anybody know?

I'm loosening my grasp

There's no need to mask my frailty

You're turning the tattered fabric of my life into

A perfect tapestry.

We have a wonderful family who supports us and loves us, and doesn't even ask nosey questions. AND let's us love on their children like they were our own.

*all photos taken by a wonderful friend Clairissa Cooper.

Few and far between..

While it's fresh on my memory I want to recap my week vacation with Charity. While we enjoyed the New England autumn weather by antiquing and cooking, we also had the opportunity to visit Palmyra, New York. It was beautiful, uplifting and all inspiring in so many ways. I feel like it was such a powerful experience words can not properly articulate how I feel or what I saw. An experience that happens few and far between...

Hill Cumorah

The Smith Home

Beehives. (Me want!)

Neither one of us had been here before, and were not expecting to be able to walk around on trails and just enjoy the beauty. We couldn't have chosen a better time to go, because we were alone on all the tours and alone in the Grove which equaled an amazing experience.

They call this the Apostle Tree because of the 12 limbs. The gardner that takes care of the Grove, is actually not LDS but knows all the stories and actually testifies himself what a special place it is...

Alvin Smith's home he had built for the family before he died.

View of temple from the Smith Home.

Open field behind temple.

Erie Canal. Threatened to throw her in... but she would have de-friended me.

Publishing house where the Book of Mormon was printed. (I was inspired by the yellow ceiling and hope to have a kitchen one day with this exact ceiling!)

Original painting

5000 prints of the Book of Mormon were printed within a year and was a pure miracle. What you are looking at are the shelves that contain each upper case and lower case letter. Each letter had to be put into a small box separately, backwards AND upside down. I wish I could remember step by step but the process was miraculous, especially for that time.

Peter Whitmer's home where the church was first establish on April 6, 1830.

My testimony of the Book of Mormon and Joseph Smith was strengthened deeply during this trip. To be able to see where Moroni buried the plates on the Hill Cumorah and the home where Joseph Smith translated those plates - made it real for me on a level I didn't think possible.

All in all, I think Charity fell in love with New England but might get disowned by her own family if she actually admits it to them. Sallie, if you are reading this, don't blame her! Blame me!